Recently I received an alarming test message sharing great news and disappointment. The world needs balance and that’s exactly what I got. I was hit with the disappointment first and then the great news but as glorious as a new life is, coming to a realization of how someone sees you can be jarring. Especially when the accuser misses the mark completely.
It led me down a rabbit hole of moments I may have thought were genuine or heartfelt And I almost spiraled until I decided to approach the situation a bit differently.
See, the great indoors has allowed me to really sit with certain emotions, flaws, and past behaviors. As I grow within emotional intelligence, the flaws in others are extremely amplified (because I once recognized them in myself).
You may know an adult (middle age or young) that often loses things, may miss deadlines, or overwhelm themselves with lengthy to-do lists. According to a 2012 survey, conducted by a British insurance company, the average person misplaces nine items a day and spends 15 minutes of each day searching for items they’ve misplaced. With stress and fatigue leading the battle it’s easy to place blame on the people around you for your mishaps. To be the blame of theft or a misplaced item can really get you worked up so I have some steps to follow to keep anger at bay and logic at the forefront.
1. Read it Twice!
Chances are ”the new normal” of social distancing caused you to receive an accusation via text or email. Read the message twice and DO NOT respond immediately unless you are calling the person directly (don't expect them to answer the phone). This prevents you from being reactive or petty.
2. Double check your belongings
There May be a chance you accidentally picked up the item so just double check your bags or shared spaces. This gives YOU comfort more than anything.
3. The Time to Respond is Now
Now you should be in a much more calm head space. Access who you are really dealing with. Do they misplaced items often? How many times has an accusation like this happened? Do they have a lot going on, right now?
Then, if you can call the accuser, do so. It’s best to meet a text with a phone call because it sets a boundary. The boundary being, “please do not text me matters like this. It’s easy for tone to come across poorly through text.”
Leave a message if you have to.
Remember, you are not defending yourself. Start with a greeting, Recall the last verbal conversation and acknowledge that you looked just to be on the safe side. Stay calm!
4. Do something Productive
If staying calm isn’t the best technique for you. After you’ve had the conversation and clarity as been achieve, transfer the ambiguous energy you’re feeling into productive energy. When you feel someone is coming for your character, the internalized rage takes center stage.
5. Let It GO!
Lastly and most importantly, let it go! That may come in the form of cutting ties, taking an extended leave from the relationship or being present from resolution forward. An accusation like theft can really effect the way you gel with a person, so respect your boundaries. No need to force it.
Never give someone your self respect or let them take it. Essentially you and the people who really care about you, know your heart. Chances are, once the anger subsides, those opinions don’t really matter. Last note, don’t let other people‘s emotions get you riled up and feeding into the buffoonery.